Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
