Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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