me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
