you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
