why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize