Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
