god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
