The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
