so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
