Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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