just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
