Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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