Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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