I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize