great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
