I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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