hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
