My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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