summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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