after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
