Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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