If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
a search helicopter?!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize