You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
