I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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