I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
