You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i came on her dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
