Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
