OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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