She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
