The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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