he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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