the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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