help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
