shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize