i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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