We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
