I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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