The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
