I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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