if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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