Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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