So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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