Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize