i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
