idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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