I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
