Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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