last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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