you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize