I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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