I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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