i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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