it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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