I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where did you get a picture of my penis
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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