Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
