It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
