somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
