dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
