ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
