Your dad touched me again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize