Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
