hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
