Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
