So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
