Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
