So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
