I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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