I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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