Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
