The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
