I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
