There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
