Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
