I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
