i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
