Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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