"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
