I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
