he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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