I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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